where have i gone…

Posted in Uncategorized on August 12, 2009 by Alana

well, july 2nd i had a baby, little miss teeny tiny erin cait. she’s so smiley and lovable i just want to cuddle her all day. aiden, my almost 18-month-old monster had been perfecting the art of mental torture by throwing tantrums constantly a la terrible twos. so i haven’t had time to whine– er i mean blog. but good news, all none of my readers! i am back! to whine about life as we know it! here goes…

hypocrisy. everyone is a hypocrite at some point, but it’s those who make a life of it that bug the crap out of me. take, for example, a group of former friends we’ll call “the TWITs”. (i take this name from an article i read awhile ago on thirty-something year olds that act like teenagers ON PURPOSE. it means teenage women in their thirties) anyways… so the TWITs. not all are in their 30s but nevermind the semantics. so i was goo friends with these women for a few years, all the while gossiping about idiots that
a) pick on people for no reason
b) start drama out of nowhere
c) are friends with backstabbing whores
d) are proud to be awful parents
and guess what these TWITs are up to now? if you picked e) all of the above, you are correct! pick up your cookie on the way out.

why do people act like idiots just to make a few friends? sure, only having a handful of friends gets lonely, but at least i know i can live with myself. when i go to sleep at night, don’t have a load on my mind gnawing at my conscience. i stay honest and do the absolute best for my children. im far from perfect, Lord knows, but i rarely lie. i lie to save my ass in situations that could affect my children, and i lie small white lies to people who don’t matter (i.e. giving made up reasons to cancel doctor appointments when in fact i just don’t feel up to going). but i don’t spare people their feelings just to kiss ass. and i don’t judge people on who they’re friends with, or the life they choose to live– unless it hurts someone. anyways, i’m digressing.

be who you are. stand up for what you believe in. get rid of toxic friends/spouses/family members. surround yourself with people you like regardless of what they believe in, or what other people will think of you. be strong!

“Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”


the world just keeps getting stupider…

Posted in news, politik with tags , , on April 15, 2009 by Alana

well, i was going to launch into this huge rant about north korea being completely idiotic in their attempt to start another war. but i’ll condense it into a link and a paragraph.

first the link. an extremely funny look at just how STUPID north korea really is. and i don’t mean the people, i mean their international relations and such. cracked wrote a GREAT article called 6 Reasons North Korea is the Funniest Evil Dictatorship Ever

then, my opinion. because in the grand scheme of things, my big fat opinion matters GREATLY in this world issue!! i just find it hilarious that a teeny tiny little idiotic country is going up against china, japan, the uk and the us in an arms war that they think they can win. i feel bad that the citizens have to deal with such idiotic dictators that suffer from severe delusions of grandeur. i would fear for our safety, but NK is just so insignificant, if they tried anything shady, the planet would be down one korea and up one hollowed out volcano type crater. lolz.

THEN comes this little gem, unrelated to NK.
Sewing machine hoax hits S Arabia
REALLY?! they make people this dumb?! wow. i REALLY need to make up my own hoax so i can make millions. take advantage of the idiocy while its still profitable. 😛

further pushing our future toward idiocracy

Posted in news with tags on April 8, 2009 by Alana

every time i read a story like this i see flashes of the movie idiocracy and mentally prepare myself for this becoming the future. i just thank my lucky stars ill hopefully be buried 6 feet into intelligent-by-comparison dirt by that point. *sigh*

when will we ever get over ourselves?

Posted in news on April 3, 2009 by Alana

i am so freaking SICK of people complaining about something that happened hundreds of years ago. there are a LOT of sad moments in our nation’s history. what we need to do is learn from them, not dwell on them to the point that the historical significance of the events are replaced with groaning irritation and annoyance. these moments are extremely important to the survival of civilization! we cannot learn from a history that so many people have cheapened with their attention-whoring and desire to make a quick dollar!

this rant is brought to you today by this article. Apparently there was a rave thrown by the people of burning man, with a ‘native’ theme. so OF COURSE a few of the more attention-whoring native americans choose to make a HUGE deal about it just to get their name in the paper. i skimmed the last half of the article because it was long, so maybe i missed something, but from what i read there was NOTHING malicious about this event. there was no racially insensitive parts of the event, nothing that was harmful whatsoever to the image of native americans. but these people came in, threatening to hurt and kill people that show up to the rave, and making what was supposed to be a fun event so overly melodramatic that it turned into a joke. what are they going to do next, protest peter pan for the “what makes a red man red” song?

My high school mascot was “the warriors”. they just went through this whole ordeal, costing thousands of dollars that could have gone to the school, just because one KID said that the indian head logo “offended” him. REALLY?! because last time i checked there was no horrible native american oppression in the last 15 years (aka his ENTIRE LIFE). he was just looking for 15 minutes of whiny, bitching fame. there were countless town meetings, costing thousands of wasted dollars just because some kid wanted mommy and daddy to pay attention to him more. and guess what? he lost. one thing i’ll remember is how one old native american woman, aged about 80, came up to the podium with her birth certificate and pointed to the “race” section. under the heading it said “red”. she then said if they remove the warrior mascot (including a large warrior head marquis-thingy in the front of the school) then they’d have to take her with it. its sad that the generation that isn’t full of attention-whoring whiners is soon to be extinct.

another example you hear about OFTEN is jesse jackson and the countless followers that believe they’re owed something because their RELATIVES endured slavery. slavery is such a terrible part of our history, but how are we supposed to learn from it and teach our children to learn from it when there’s always someone waiting to pounce on the money-train when the subject isn’t approached as if we’re walking on eggshells? its absolutely impossible to even discuss the subject without an attention-whore stepping in to correct every “black” with “african-american” as if they’ve ever even BEEN to africa in their whole lives!!!! hey, guess what! during the civil rights movement, they ASKED to be referred to as black instead of the racial terms that were being hurled during that time. so all you teach your children by demanding yet another change of term is that if you’re given an inch, take a mile. not a very admirable trait there.

there are so many more examples of sad, terrible events in our history, so why do people think that the events that affected them are the only ones that matter? what about the chinese that were used as slave labor? or the irish that were oppressed when they immigrated? we can’t waste all our time tip toeing around such events. what we NEED to do is educate future generations on how not to recreate these horrible time periods. if we can’t talk about it in school, if we cant have a sense of humor about things without worrying that we’re going to get sued, we will never be able to learn from it.

the last stage of grief is acceptance. so lets accept the fact that things happened, move on, and never let them happen again!

random fark-ing rants

Posted in Uncategorized on April 1, 2009 by Alana

1. forgiving student loan debt

“Think of the poor kid who for one reason or another refused to take out loans, didn’t go to college and is now making decent money,” Ribar said. “That person now has to pay taxes so somebody else’s loan can be forgiven? That doesn’t seem very fair.”

my response
isn’t that exactly what we’re doing with the freaking banks and car companies?!?! howabout thinking of the MORAL person that decided not to SCAM people out of millions of dollars or participate in obviously-failing credit default swaps and therefore isn’t plunging the nation into a recession? it doesn’t seem very fair that the honest hard worker is now forced to pay taxes to bail THEIR scamming-yet-still-rich asses out either!! but we have to!! GRRRRRRR!!!

smoking tax increase

“they’re picking on us poor people, the ones that smoke.”

my response
hey genius! if you are poor, do you think you should be spending $60 on a carton of cigarettes in the first place??? idiot. cigarettes are a luxury, not a necessity. get off your lazy ass and quit!

this is just a test

Posted in news on April 1, 2009 by Alana

Every time I read about this one “church” (i won’t post their name so they don’t get any insane delusion of popularity from appearing in any search engine), the hate group from kansas that protests soldiers’ funerals and has the signs about God hating gay people, every time I read about them, it makes my heart race and my blood boil.  It’s such an obvious test of God’s, a “love thy enemies” and “forgive” and “do not judge” rules.  But no matter how obvious the test, it’s still INSANELY difficult not to wish a slow and extremely painful death upon these parasites.  How can anyone protest a funeral for someone that died for your very right to protest?  And to not be killed for your extremist views?  It SHOULD be them in those caskets.  I think there would be many many less mourners, less broken hearts, less tears and less torn apart families if the people in those caskets weren’t the heroes they are, but rather the scum of the Earth scum that are there protesting.

Every time I see movies or pictures of them, it makes me want to hurt them.  And I don’t just mean punching them, I mean sick, twisted torture just to cause them extreme pain and suffering.  But I know this would make me no better than them.  So what is there to do?   I honestly think that if a vigilante would just take them out in one swift massacre, he would be hailed as a hero.  People would raise more money for lawyers than OJ had to get off for murder.  Or perhaps the law would just look the other way just for the amazing happiness of having them finally STFU. *paging anonymous! is murder below your standards? or perhaps extensive mental torture until they CHOOSE to kill themselves?*

UGH, it’s so frustrating to see such wastes of oxygen not only hurting people with their own ignorance, but procreating and teaching their impressionable children to be as ignorant and useless as they are.  It’s so sad.  😦

a guide to raising the biggest spoiled brat on the block

Posted in news on March 31, 2009 by Alana

I just read an article on “Consensual Living”.  What this is, is a parenting style in which everyone is the boss of themselves, children included.  There are no punishments, rules or rewards (except abiding by laws of course).  After reading the article located here I could not help but shake my head. Having taken numerous child-development and child-psychology classes, that head shaking was soon followed by a shudder.

I just know these “lazy parenting” types are going to come into my future classes i will teach and ask why their son just failed 3rd grade for the 5th consecutive year… after of course telling me something along the lines of “why no, we never made him do homework. He didn’t feel he needed it, and said he learns better burning ants with magnifying glasses and throwing m-80s in neighbor’s yards.”

Why are people so lazy?!  Kids require discipline.  Kids require rules.  Otherwise you get people like the unibomber or osama bin laden, who think that rules don’t apply to them, and nobody’s life is important, only their own.  Now this is not to say that kids’ feelings aren’t important.  Or that every child of “consensual living” will become a terrorist.  After all, the ruling generation is that of the lawless hippy era and we aren’t doing THAT bad are we? It’s not like we’re suffering a terrible recession at the hands of people who think they are above the law, and stealing money out of the pockets of the poor matters less than how rich they can become …….. *cough* …… *cough*……*ahem*……..

anyways, my point is, the article featured a 4 year old that wore the same thing every day for months on end, and an 18 month old that essentially got to tell their parents what to do.  Um… WHAT?  Do we not already know that if kids got what they wanted they’d eat ice cream 24/7 and run around naked in the snow?  There’s a reason you’re the parent and they’re the child.  Your role is TEACHER.  You have to teach them that eating candy for every meal is not good for their growing mind and body.  You have to teach them that winter means bundling up so you don’t get sick or frostbite.  You have to teach them that sacrifice and hard work is how to be successful, not whining and rule breaking.  Do you know how to teach a child?  To instill RULES.  There is a huge difference between being a teacher and being a dictator!  But to tell a child that what they want goes, that’s just plain ridiculous.  I can’t imagine having a child that not only thinks they’re the boss (a normal stage of development) but actually becomes the boss of 2 fully grown adults!

If you can’t handle being the bad guy sometimes, if you can’t handle making rules and following them, if you can’t handle being the caretaker and not the slave, then DON’T HAVE KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent.  ~Bette Davis

Thou shalt not stab thy neighbor in the face

Posted in life sucks on March 31, 2009 by Alana

So, anyone who’s heard me talk about my upstairs neighbors knows just how much I love them to death.  In fact I really wish i could fill up their apartment with toxic gasses of love, so that they would lovingly shut up!  They stomp around, or exercise or sumo wrestle with king kong… something or other that constantly causes my glasses and plates to shake like the T-rex from jurassic park was coming down the driveway.  They have NO concept of the basic manners and considerations that come with living on the top floor of an apartment complex.

…anyways.  This morning they decide to HAMMER at 8:30am.  8 friggen 30 in the morning.  I waited 15 minutes for them to knock it off thinking positively like, “maybe something broke that they need to fix right away.”  After 15 minutes go by and it only gets louder I go upstairs in my jammies, with my sick son also in his jammies, and tell her to stop hammering.  She looks at me like I’m nuts.  But she stops.  I really wanted to say “WHY DO YOU THINK ITS OKAY TO HAMMER AT 8 MOTHER-EFFING 30 IN THE MORNING YOU RETARD!!!!” but I did not.  Score 1 for adulthood, 0 for angry, homicidal, pregnant woman.

Oh, and in retrospect, i probably should have specified that the hammering wasn’t the offense, it was the hour.  But oh well, maybe I’ll be lucky enough that she’ll just never hammer again.  If only…

“You must not kill your neighbor, whom perhaps you genuinely hate, but by a little propaganda this hate can be transferred to some foreign nation, against whom all your murderous impulses become patriotic heroism”
~ Bertrand Russell


Posted in Uncategorized on March 31, 2009 by Alana

Welcome to the crapfest that is my blog.  This is where I will be posting my random thoughts and opinions on anything and everything I feel requires my expert opinion.  I call myself an expert because I have a Ph.D. in Bitching and a Masters Degree in Bullshit.  If you have a problem with anything I say you can go ahead and choose from these two options: 1) suck it 2) bite me.  Enjoy!